“Half of my friends self-harm or have a self-harm history”, says a female student from my school, the Realgymnasium Zurich, Switzerland. This has become almost the “new normal”, at least in my surroundings, because so many people seem to know someone struggling with self-harm in one form or another.
What exactly is self-harming? Self-harming, also known as non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI), is defined by the UK Mental Health Foundation as behaviors that cause intentional injuries. The most common examples are cutting, burning, punching or hitting parts of the body.
In my interview with Norbert Hänsli, a federally recognised specialist psychologist for psychotherapy, I learned of some forms which can be more difficult to define. Norbert Hänsli published a book on self-harming early in his career and to this day he offers counseling for NSSI and does workshops at the Zurich University of Teacher Education.
He explained that biting your nails is generally only defined as self-harm when done intentionally, while compulsively pulling hair out is a special form of NSSI, which is understood as an independent disorder. Strongly scratching skin is also part of it, however milder forms are more commonly considered nervous habits, which mostly happen subconsciously.
UK MHF says that worldwide, one percent of the population self-harms. It’s most frequent among 14 to 30-year olds, and an extraordinary 80% of self-harmers are women. Professionals believe that 10% of young people self-harm, but it could be up to 20%. That represents at least two to four people in every school class.
Nowadays there is far more information circulating about self-harming or self-injuring. “When I wrote my book 30 years ago, NSSI wasn’t a well-known issue, not in any youth counseling center or clinics” Norbert Häsnli told me, “That doesn’t mean it didn’t exist, but it was less prevalent.”
He further told me that there aren’t any proper studies of self-harm in Switzerland, but professionals can make estimates by looking at the number of people who suffer from specific factors that can trigger self-harming.
According to the UK MHF there are some factors that increase the possibility of someone self-harming, for example when they suffer from a mental health disorder, have been neglected or abused or aren’t taken care of by their parents. It’s also more common in the LGBTQ+ community.
However, that doesn’t mean everyone in these categories is affected: NSSI can affect anyone, whatever their age, gender or state of mind.
Self-harm can easily develop into an unhealthy coping mechanism. A lot of people self-harm because it’s a temporary relief from overwhelming, distressing thoughts or feelings. It allows them to focus their emotional, ‘invisible’ pain onto something external, which may make it feel easier to deal with. Other reasons can be in order to feel something physical, if they feel emotionally numb, or to experience the feeling of euphoria that can arise immediately after self-harming, or as a form of self-punishment.
If teenagers don’t learn a variety of non-harming coping strategies, self-harming can become normalized for them and end up being a lifelong coping strategy.
What can you do to help if you know someone who is affected? A 16-year-old student from my school told me that she worries about reacting wrongly, causing the person to relapse or even actively triggering more self-harm, so it’s important to learn what can be triggering and what not.
Norbert Hänsli and a specialist psychologist for child and adolescent psychology, Tanja Rom, who works as a school psychologist in the area of Zurich, both said it’s always good to reach out to the person and ask if they want to talk.
“But first you have to ask yourself if you’re strong enough and ready. Only talk to them if you have the necessary time to do so”, Norbert Hänsli said, “However, especially when it’s a friend, you can’t become their therapist, so try suggesting that they find professional help.”
A second student from my grade opened up to me about her own self-harming. She said the worst and most unhelpful thing is when people make you feel bad about doing it.
“When someone just gives me a disappointed or pitiful look it makes me feel more uncomfortable than comfortable, but if they really talk to me and ask me why I do it etc. it can be good”, said the student. This can be a trigger, especially when it’s outside of any actual discussion of the issue.
And even talking only helps her when the person has a kind and supportive reaction. She appreciates being listened to properly – and best of all is simply “a warm, encouraging hug”
A lot of the young people I’ve talked to think schools should take a stronger lead in educating students about how to handle stress better – the sooner young people develop healthy strategies, the better.
I know from Norbert Hänsli that teachers regularly have further training on what the matter is and how to handle it. “The schools I know are already doing a great deal on the subject of stress management, and they do this in a considered, systematic way and at regular intervals”, he told me.
However in my survey on Instagram (of people between the ages of 13 and 17 from various schools in Zurich) only 13 out of 70 people said they’d had a prevention on how to handle stress. One out of the 13 people also said it didn’t really help them, because it wasn’t well done.
So it seems to remain a problem which schools should give more attention to and handle better, because as a summary of what students at my school said “Literally every student needs some mental or emotional support.”
